Thursday, June 17, 2010

Things Mr. India taught me


If you've been an eight to ten year old kid in India in the nineties, you've seen Mr. India. Don't you try to lie to yourself and pretend for even a second that you haven't, that invisible, happy, generous little sonnuvabitch was the magical, fuzzy aura around every happy childhood memory you have.

But besides being the inspirational piece of cinema that we all remember it to be, Anil Kapoor masquerading around invisible served a higher purpose, that of Education.
Yes, believe it or not, Mr. India taught me a lot, and today I share that information with the world.

1. Calendar is a perfectly acceptable Christian name, since it's in English, and hence, very Christian. By this logic, it's perfectly acceptable for me to name my daughter "Kadhai".

2. Your local grocery store owner can very well be an operative for an eccentric old man bent on world domination.

3. Local grocery store owners have henchmen.

4. You can very well pay the rent for a sea-side mansion by taking tuition classes and having ONE paying guest.

5. For brute strength, Hanu-man is the way to go. Bow in the presence of greatness, son of Krypton!

6. Exotic dancers from other countries can get away with Indian names and faces to the effect of "Hawa Hawaii".

7. Children exhausted from two days of not eating food can perfectly well summon the energy to carry out a song and dance routine, post which they will be as hale and hearty as ever.

8. "Zindagi ki yehi reet hai, Haar ke baad hi jeet hai"

9. Enough rain and Green Sarees can get any broke tutor with ten kids the hot, educated, journalist girl of his dreams.

10. Behind a Photoframe in a broken down old house is the most efficient place to hide a gadget that could very well change science as we know it.

11. All respectable gadgets, secret lairs and costumes have huge, blinking lights on them. If they don't, they are either just unimportant or will eventually get blown up.

12. If you have a broken, old mansion on the Shores of Bombay, be careful, it is the perfect place for the aforemention eccentric, old man bent on world domination to launch his nuclear warheads from.

13. Old eccentric, men with an army of evil minions bent on world domination take weeks, maybe months, to throw a skinny old man and ten underage kids out of a house they don't even own.

14. NOBODY can see invisible people, unless of course they conjure up an invisible person's one fatal flaw, RED LIGHT. In Gotham, a rough equivalent to this would be a scene to the sound of "Red Flashlight Man, my mortal enemy, we meet again"

15. Ten year olds can break dance with perfect ease.

16. If your boss, the aforementioned eccentric old man, tells you to jump into a tub of lava, you do it. Otherwise, he'll have you shot. Admittedly, that would be quicker and less painful, but you get your minion ass into that lava mister!

17. Your enemy's lair will always be filled with your mortal enemy, the RED LIGHT.

2 comments:

  1. Totally cool.....and hilarious....Boney Kapoor needs to read this one....

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  2. This has got to be one of the most hilarious things I've ever read! It's perfect! :D

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